INVESTIGATIVE REPORT GUEST POST: MAGGI SEASONINGS DEEMED AWESOME BY HOBOS December 20, 2007

By DoL Roaming Reporter Jeffxa, Defender of Duo-Twang 

So, not that this has anything to do with anything, but a few months ago, shortly after my dutch Grandpa passed away (the venerable “SuperPake” of Peanut’s Page fame), I had a conversation with a Trinidadian friend of mine who was extolling the virtues of all things Maggi.  Maggi, as I know it from my SuperPake days, is a black, liquid-based, soy-esque salt-addition vector.  You add a few drops and then boom, you have the same thing only saltier and darker.  Brooding, even. 

However – much to my surprise – I had been walking around with my hands over my eyes like so.  There is a *family* of Maggi products, all dedicated to improving the lives of eaters everywhere through adding more sodium.  Behold!  Maggi-deets as far as the eye can scroll.

Maggi was invented by this guy “so that busy women who worked in factories and didn’t have time to prepare healthy meals could enjoy nutritious, easy to prepare food”.  Thoughtful!

Maggi is apparently *huge* in the following countries/regions:
- Brazil & Chile (not in Argentina though)
- Weird hobo-centric parts of Europe
  > Bulgaria
  > Hungary
  > Russia

- Good hobo-free parts of Europe
  > Czech Republic
  > Finland
  > Germany
  > Spain
  > Switzerland

As well as… 

- New Zealand
- USA
- Japan
- Malaysia
- the Middle East (especially for the quality of their “Authentic Taste Mutton Stock” and the popular “Crazy Food Contest”)

Now, I hear you saying “well, dumbass, you’re in Canada and this was prompted by a conversation with a West Indian that resulted in recollections of a Dutchman… what gives?!” Well, judos to you for paying attention, but apparently Maggi deems these places unworthy of unique websites.  Thus, exclusion.  That said, you can find some goodness associated with these places, if you know where to look!

Maggi Season-Up is a ’seasoning’ it seems – à la Mrs. Dash – that you can get in the West Indies, to include in a wide variety of dishes ranging from Curried Goat through to Curried Fish.  Capital!  Also, in case you run out of Season-Up, feel free to substitute at your leisure with Maggi All-Purpose Seasoning (the black salt-juice) or Maggi powdered vegetable bouillon.  Non-Maggi-substitutions are not permitted.

Maggi can also be obtained on the black market here in Canada via Dutch smugglers.  $6.20 for a 7 oz bottle – “all you need is a drop for a world of difference.”

The point of all this?  Maggi’s not just for adding salt in a liquid form with the All-Purpose Seasoning anymore.  It’s also for adding muttony goodness to your hobo-dishes in all corners of the globe.  And having fun too!  *wink-n-guns*

**BIG UPS TO NESTLÉ FOR THE VARIOUS IMAGES**

Investigative Report Guest Post: ROAMING REPORTER MIA December 20, 2007

By DoL Editor-in-chief Julie, Defender of Roaming Reporters

It has been noted as of late that the Duotang has been lacking in Investigative Reports and instead an influx of mindless dribble, courtesy of moi, has taken over the pages. 

In fact, it has been many moons (well maybe like two…how many moons are there in 9 weeks?) since Jeffxa, Defender of Many has graced this site with his insights and amazing investigatory skills.  Not to worry, dear readers! Your intrepid Editor-in-Chief has found two clues* to his whereabouts and is expecting new materials and accounts of his adventures post-haste!

* That’s right – these clues point to only one thing. Jeffxa has been kidnapped by a Nashville based small-headed band and has been brainwashed into playing the geetahr. Thank jebus we found him in time.