–Part of an ongoing series of exhibitions where Jeffxa outwits the universe–
As part of the ongoing deliciousness that is my Gentlemen’s Gourmet Group (no, we’re not gay, though we do sound it), it was determined by the Gourmet Powers-that-be that “FISH” was to be the theme for the most recent installment. We meet once every few months or so, and so there was ample time to prepare whatever course I signed up to bring. Those that know me (or of me) are aware that I have a pretty gigantic (and totally unwarranted) ego and armed with this hubrisness, I volunteered for the dessert course.
“Fish dessert” you say? “Yes, Commander No-Read” I reply.
Fish dessert.. el Hombre, bring him to me*.
Anyhow, the following items were brainstormed and deemed entire unsuitable by our judging panel consisting of me:
1. A cake, or something “normal” cut into the shape of a fish or fishES – this is the solution of persons deemed to be “weiners”
2. Use of fish eggs, which lost out due to a) gross! and b) too ‘fishy’ tasting/smelling; there’s a happy medium we’re looking for here
3. Smoked fish – no, mega-fishy and texturally bizarre
4. Candied fish, see item 2(a)
5. Squid inkage, this is a good idea except it’s not from a FISH per se and thus would disqualify me from winning the non-prize
The best suggestion and really, the only one worth my considerable talents: raw! Raw tuna is the wave of the future.
Execution of this was done with the following foodstuffs:
- lemons: everyone likes tuna with lemon
- cream: everyone likes tuna riding cows
- basil: those Thai people know how to unleash the healing power of the basil, and the word “Thai” is similar to “Tuna”.
- crispy pastry: everyone loves things that are golden brown and flaky.**
- tuna: you can’t spell “tuna” without t-u-n-a. Tuna! The red sushi kind, not the canned 49-cent kind.
Having procured the foodstuffs, a schematic was prepared to see how this might work.
The end result: DELICIOUS***. More information is pretty much not required. You should all just realize that I’m amazing and even undertaking such a venture pretty much demands your unflinching loyalty.
* If you get this Pee-Wee’s Playhouse reference, mad judos to you.
** It was also considered to stuff the tuna into a pre-made Vachon’s Passion Flake lunchtime snack cake, this was deemed too easy and thus not keeping with the ’spirit’ of the non-contest.
*** It was in fact pretty tasty and if the cream had had a smidge more sugar, it would have carried the non-day.
