Snappy Responses to Mildly Dull-Witted Statements - Part One February 11, 2008

Mildly Dull-Witted Statement: 

“The good thing about my street is that it’s a quiet little side street, but it’s real easy to find on mapquest.”

Snappy Responses:

“Much better than those tricky moving streets that are just impossible to nail down!”

“I’m still trying to figure out how a) quiet and b) ease of finding are normally not associated.  my last place at the centre of a labyrinth was super quiet, except for the sound of spartan heroes battling my pet minotaur.”

“Ohhh… see, the mythical labyrinths are the worst for trying to find on mapquest. I’m pretty sure Davie Bowie set some kind of enchantment on mapquest. “

*SNAP*

egads! déjà une année! February 6, 2008

That’s right, possums! The Duotang of Lies turns 1 today. In celebration, we’ll be going to work, trudging through slush, and then later, trudge through slush to get home and hibernate. But this will be fancy hibernating—1st year anniversary style—attended* by celebrities (and everyone loves celebrities), and there may even be some special snacks†.

 * meant to be taken antonymically.

† quite unlikely.

INVESTIGATIVE REPORT GUEST POST FOLLOW-UP: FOOTBALL CLUB OWNERSHIP! February 2, 2008

Peeps.  My wife is hungover and sleeping in, so I have time to brew up a rare and unusual WEEKEND post.  Huzzah!

A while back, I extolled the virtues of MyFootballClub, which was - at the time - an embryonic idea to actually go out and buy a football club in England and basically run the thing.  Well, the Club has been bought - a 75% share for now - and things are flying.  Indeed, Ebbsfleet United are challenging for promotion to the Football League proper and are deep in the local cup competition. 

So, in case you were worried that this was a great big scam, it’s not.  Well, the club shop may be; my shirt has yet to arrive that I ordered in November, but that’s neither here nor there.  As one of roughly 27,000 owners, I have a 0.003% share (for now, this will go down over time *alas*) but, more importantly, I have a voice in how the club is run, what guys play, what we should spend our cashmoney on, etc.  Anyone in Toronto thinking that MLSE is a piece of crap and is killing pro sports for the *joe punchclock fan* like me should totally join up.  Not convinced?  How about some quasi-communist clip-artwork themed just so?

 

 

Check out all sorts of goodies:

Main page: http://www.myfootballclub.co.uk
Ebbsfleet United: http://www.eufc.co.uk
Podcast: http://podme.libsyn.com/rss/My-Football-Club
BBC report on the approval of the sale: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/teams/g/gravesend_and_northfleet/7190175.stm

Anyhow, I think this is awesome and must stress that it’s for reals and for seriousnesses.  It’s not a game, it’s real-life and it’s totally awesome.  I guarantee* that you’ll love it and will also renew your love for sport and ergo your will to live.  Capital!

* not a guarantee in any sense of the word

INVESTIGATIVE REPORT GUEST POST: SNOW IS NOT A FRIEND OF CIVILIZATION, BUT THE MOUSTACHE IS. February 1, 2008

By Roaming Reporter Jeffxa, Defender of Precipitation

For those who have not heard of this before, here is the main message to take away from today’s STUNNING events in scenic Toronto:

*** Snowstorms occurring during rush hour in Toronto are nature’s way of trying to kill you.  You, the guy reading this RIGHT NOW. ***

As reported earlier today, nature has stepped it up a notch, hurling ice at smokers along Front St.  However, there is one thing nature didn’t think about… the stunning power of the moustache and its ability to inspire and/or distract home-working slackers such as myself.

Things I have learned this morning:
1. There is a World Beard and Moustache Association (WBMA)… they have a pretty darn sweet logo.

2. They hold World Championships every two years.  2009 is to be held in Anchorage, which has all the City Fathers pretty chuffed up by all accounts.  For more information, check out their website! I will say, if the following guys showed up in my town, en masse, I would think “Hey, the world is coming to an end, I’m gonna start looting!” or “Hey, check out the Partial Beard Freestyle that that guy’s sporting!  Capital!”

I think my favourite part of all of this - except the moustaches - is the stated objective: “To raise the profile of beard and moustache clubs in order to attract new members and to bring to the general public a topic of interest and fun.”

3. Most relevantly, winter and moustaches are like *THIS* - this is a picture I found of a guy with a frozen face, essentially, but it’s made all the more noble and generally awesome by the serious icing of the moustache.  Judos to him and his exploring of the frozen land that I have deemed “IceVille”.  In other news my wild creativity has taken a hit due to tiredness from shovelling snow.

The lesson?  Grow a moustache or wear a fake one.  Especially when nature attacks.

Winter Storm hits Toronto: Danger Most Imminent for Smokers at My Work* February 1, 2008

* granted the current tally is zero.  updates expected though!