Fooferra. foo-FER-ah (n.) A situation engulfed in chaos. A state of comedic uncertainty and confusion.
Example: “When Jimmy stated to the EMS attendant that the epipen was in fact filled with Kool Aid crystals, a minor fooferra resulted until Jimmy admitted that, in fact, he wasn’t allergic to bees at all.”
This edition of Falsi-Lexi was brought to you by Jeffxa, Roaming Reporter and defender of determinism masquerading as randomness.
Tealitist (n.) - A person who believes in rule by an elite group of tea producers, and enjoys a sense of entitlement whilst drinking said tea.
Example: “We have crates of Red Rose per our Mr. Coffee coffee supplier here, so I have deemed it less than stellar. I only tea drink tea procured from a wood paneled store owned & operated by Indian expats with 1 million varieties in very small glass jars.”
As seen above, tealitists in their natural habitat. Note the signs of wealth (feather boas), and obvious superiority (balloons).
Aweirdsome (adj.) - Involving or suggesting the fantastic and bizarre while also inspiring awe.
Example: “Culottes and cable knits aside, it’s simply aweirdsome how the background model is hinged like that on the foreground model’s ass.”
Big ups to Torontoist and Toronto Life for the ad. Big ups especially to Simpsons for once existing and, when you did exist, rocking so hard.
Even bigger ups to my mustachioed colleague for contributing this falsi-lexi to the ‘Tang.
Scantyride (v.) - to be borne along on or in a vehicle or other kind of conveyance only in meager amounts.
Example: “What with the fare hikes, I won’t buy a metropass this month. Either way, I only scantyride the rocket, so what’s the point?”
Forkability (n.) - the state or quality of being fork friendly. Generally pertaining to foodstuffs, though at times relevant in the realms of dry-leaf piles and sea sponges.
Example: “This soup is undeniably tasty. Unfortunately, with my limited cutlery options, and the broth’s obvious low forkability rating, my enjoyment is decreasing by the minute.”
Balsamegar (n.) - a sweetish, aromatic vinegar made from white grapes and aged in wood barrels. Used exclusively on panini-style pulled-pork sandwiches, balsamegar is a rare and notoriusly shy breed, and has so far only been spotted in a small enclave off Royal York Rd.
Example: “With just a hint of balsamegar, it was inevtable that Adam would win the sandwich portion of our contest.”
Balsamegar, due to its rarity, has never been photographed. The editor feels that the above photograph is an appropriate substitute.
Zimbish* (adj.) - Of or relating to people of Zimbabwean origin who have removed themselves to Britain.
Example: “Who’s that guy in your profile picture?” “Oh, that’s my Zimbish friend, Le Rox.”
* big ups to Shane for the contribution. This is, admittedly, very specific. On the other hand, if you knew Le Rox, it would be acutely relevant.
Decepticlood (n.) - a visible collection of particles of water suspended in the air, usually at an elevation above the earth’s surface, that, contrary to the ominousness of its colouring, will not produce rain, but will, rather, make those observing said collection of particles wary of the ruinage of their day in the sun.
.
.
Example: “We better finish these corndogs soon! It looks like precipitation is on its way. Wait a second - upon further reflection, those are obviously decepticloods. Pass the mustard!”
Spitoon (n.) - A spitoon is a receptacle made specifically for olive pits. Not to be confused with a “spittoon”, which is for chewin’ tabakee.
example: “These kalamatas are lovely, but without a spitoon for my pits, my enjoyment is decreased considerably.”
*I get that I’m pushing it with this one. But when I came up with it last night I felt a recognizable amount of mirth, put my arms in the air and said “holla” in a jovial fashion.
Cabulator (n.): a car driven by a person whose job is to take passengers where they want to go in exchange for money or magic beans.
.
Taxify (v.): the act of taking a cabulator to a destination.
.
Example: “This sure is some heavy precipitation! Think I will hail a cabulator and taxify my sweet ass home.”
