the duotang of lies

funny, in a way that even you can appreciate, ass.

falsi-lexi of the day – “gaysian” March 31, 2007

Filed under: falsilexi — duotangoflies @ 1:06 pm

Gaysian (n):  A person of the Asian persuasion who happens to enjoy the company of members of the same sex.

Example:  “Man, that guy, Hang Chai, he really likes him some ass.”

 Thanks to my new pal Lee, who I met at the Beaconsfield, for the contribution.


Contemplating the demise of Super Pake March 30, 2007

Filed under: tribute — duotangoflies @ 1:22 pm

Unfortunately I have to bring the generally mirthful tone of the Duotang down a few notches with this post.  On Sunday, my grandfather, the venerated SuperPake, passed away from a stroke and a subsequent heart attack at the ripe old age of 87. 

 My grandpa’s awesome (still using present tense…).  He puts the Super in SuperPake and the Grand in Grandpa. Some fun facts about him are:

1)  the name SuperPake is actually a tribute to Friesland (where he’s from).  In Frisian, Pake means grandpa.  He is my niece’s “great” grandpa.  Another word for great?  Super.  *Presto*

2) SuperPake spent time in a Nazi POW camp and then, once released, aided in the Dutch Underground. He then spent 3 years in Indonesia after the end of WW2.  He was a small guy, but he was wiry, and I bet he’d give YOU a run for your money.

3)  SuperPake said the word “milk” like this:  “mil-ik”. 

4)  SuperPake likes to play Euchre and drink Bailey’s.

5)  SuperPake was a mac; taking all the widows to the movies and to play cards. *high five*

Bye grandpa. xoxo

(these people are not related to me or SuperPake.  They are, however, in Leeuwarden, where my grandpa is from.  Adds flavour, don’t you think?)


so you think you’re smart? March 20, 2007

Filed under: bored at work — duotangoflies @ 11:13 am

So my friend at work sent me the link for the CBC IQ test: 

Click on the rinky-link and off you go.  First you need to answer a few relevant questions about yourself.  This is a serious, scientific study on the IQs of canadians – they need to know:

1)  your hair colour 2) whether or not you are trying to reduce your cholesterol 3) and so on.

So I took the bleeping test whilst at work.  I actually told my boss I was busy and couldn’t discuss work with him cause I needed to know how smart I was (yeah I get how that wouldn’t go over so well – but amazingly he said “oh yeah of course!”).

And how smart am I?  Well I should have taken my brother’s approach.  Jeff’s approach is outlined below:

“right, right.  i may try at home w/ voice.  but probably not.  my IQ is clearly like 400 as is.  no need to confirm.”

To which I replied:

“yeah that’s true.  I mean that teleportation thing is proof enough.”

And me?  Took the grueling test, attempted to figure out some math, and well…  I’m not going to disclose my “IQ”, but I officially stick my tongue out in the general direction of CBC and the entire cast of Little Mosque on the Prairie.


falsi-lexi of the day – “kudoward” March 9, 2007

Filed under: falsilexi — duotangoflies @ 11:02 am

kudoward (n.):

It’s half kudos and half award… all low-quality goodness. 


“Marty, the developmentally disabled boy who won the potato-sack race, was given a low-grade kudoward plaque which read “you are a winner”. 

In related news, the losers also received the same kudowards, though in less stylish colours.”


Big ups to J-Fro for the contribution.


ursus commutus* March 5, 2007

Filed under: bored at work — duotangoflies @ 1:58 pm

do you ever wonder why animals don’t just join in?  and by join in i mean reform and become part of our cityscape in a more interactive fashion? why doesn’t mr. moose go to ghandi cuisine for a roti?  if ms. squirrel feels a bit low, why doesn’t she jog on over to the ten spot for a tailicure?  why?

at least some species are getting on the band wagon. or the trolley.  insulated cup in hand.  you see that look on his face?  yeah, that’s the look of sheer manic joy. 

* full and absolute credit is given to ayndroid, and to torontoist for posting it.


me = googable March 3, 2007

Filed under: bored at work — duotangoflies @ 5:35 pm

*high five* to the person who asked if i am. or at least if the duotang is. in fact i *more* than high five the person that asked.  he knows what i mean (well i hope to god he can figure it out). 

 speaking of which – this site is seriously lacking in lies, considering its name.  then again i’m a huge fan of irony (see below). 

in unrelated news: