By DoL Roaming Reporter Jeffxa, Defender of Making Sure You Understand
Saturday night, post-TFC (hey hey heeeeey… Eduuuu…), I was lucky enough to witness the following:
1. Man runs past me, wearing a backpack, relatively slow pace (call it a brisk jog)
2. Five seconds behind him, a policewoman, brandishing a nightstick, runs past, clearly chasing the man, at a relatively slow pace (a slightly brisker jog).
3. The policewoman yells “Stop running, or I will beat you!” adding after a breath “Do you understand?”.
Now, that on its own, I deem to be both remarkable and hilarious. The man was making a run for High Park and the relative safety of the best darn zoo in the West end.
Much to my delight, things got even better .
4. Three additional policemen, roughly ten seconds after the threat was yelled, go running past; they are running a bit quicker, but with serious respiratory issues, were kinda wheezing. They offered no additional threats.
Transfixed, my companions and I watched the chase, the slowest-motion chase I have ever seen. The tailing pack of three (the “Wheezers”) stopped running, with one guy giving a dejected wave of the arm. “Meh” he seemed to say.
The policewoman, having closed the gap, takes a swing at the guy’s leg, only just nicking him, unwittingly spurring him into greater speed and to change direction. In my view, this was a poor choice; he was headed now towards Bloor West Village and its relative lack of darkened hiding places.
5. Two (count ’em… two) police cruisers go flying past, at a robust rate of speed, lights blinking away and sirens bleating as they went to – I assume – go pick up the Wheezers and give them a ride to the comfy naproom couches at 11 Division Headquarters.
The moral of the story? Our police need to have longer nightsticks and better callisthenics training. Oh, and if you steal something, be prepared for a beating, because it’s apparently coming and you shall be warned well in advance verbally and probably by fax.