the duotang of lies

funny, in a way that even you can appreciate, ass.

Falsi-Lexi of the Day – “Scantyride” October 29, 2007

Filed under: falsilexi — duotangoflies @ 10:08 am

Scantyride (v.) – to be borne along on or in a vehicle or other kind of conveyance only in meager amounts.

Example: “What with the fare hikes, I won’t buy a metropass this month.  Either way, I only scantyride the rocket, so what’s the point?”

 

 

Investigative Report Guest Post: SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY WRONG IN INDIA October 23, 2007

Filed under: Guest Postie — duotangoflies @ 8:53 am

— Crazed Animals Demand MMP Electoral Reforms And ‘Fair Shake’ —

By DoL Roaming Reporter Jeffxa, Defender of the BBC South Asia Bureau

Yesterday it was a pack of wild monkeys killing the Deputy Mayor of Delhi. 
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7055625.stm

That would be like having David Miller getting mauled by racoons on garbage day in High Park.  Outrageous!  That’s an isolated incident, though, I hear you saying.  Don’t portray a whole country as all nutty-cuckoo because of a one-off thing.  Oh, but you’d be very wrong, friend, and I shall portray:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/1336322.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/5238626.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/1107970.stm

As a big proponent of all things monkey-related, this is all very worrisome.  But I digress.

Today, it’s a pack of wild elephants going nuts and getting electrocuted.  Oh, there must be a reason they went nuts.  Well, indeed there is.  They got drunk.  On rice beer.
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2007/10/23/4597978-ap.html

The point of all this?  India is a land rich in history, musical theatre, amazing foodstuffs, home-woven handicrafts, and apparantly the highest rate of animal-based lunacy on earth.  I for one am excited for potential mongoose-based hijinks in the coming weeks.  India!  Catch the spirit!

indiamonkey1.jpg

* thanks to www.incredibleindia.org for the great postcard*

 

Falsi-Lexi of the Day – “Forkability” October 8, 2007

Filed under: falsilexi — duotangoflies @ 4:51 pm

Forkability (n.) – the state or quality of being fork friendly.  Generally pertaining to foodstuffs, though at times relevant in the realms of dry-leaf piles and sea sponges.

Example:  “This soup is undeniably tasty.  Unfortunately, with my limited cutlery options, and the broth’s obvious low forkability rating, my enjoyment is decreasing by the minute.”

brown665.jpg

 

INVESTIGATIVE REPORT GUEST POST: PERFUME REPORT October 2, 2007

Filed under: Guest Postie — duotangoflies @ 9:21 am

By DoL Roaming Reporter Jeffxa, Defender of Anosmia

 — Hazardous to your health?  If you wear too much and sit next to me, you better believe it is —

Taking the esteemed Viva Pink this morning as I headed from Finch Station to scenic Markham, I had the distinct pleasure of being exposed to a healthy dose of *some* kind of cologne, liberally applied by a fellow of undetermined ethicity and olfactory sensitivity.  To put it mildly, this saucy fellow had put a bit too much cologne on.  I personally deem two *spritzes* sufficient to provide a pleasing vapour-trail without overwhelming. 

gasmask.JPG

That’s just me and perhaps my consumption of cologne is too scanty – I try to shoot for a christmas gift of cologne once every two or three years, no more.  That said, it literally caused me enough discomfort to get off of the Viva Pink one stop early and walk in the rain rather than ride an additional 45 seconds next to this person.  Alas!

The verdict is: cologne and perfume are nice, but I am not.  So don’t sit next to me on the Viva Pink.