the duotang of lies

funny, in a way that even you can appreciate, ass.

Falsi-Lexi of the Day: “Fooferra” April 28, 2008

Filed under: falsilexi — duotangoflies @ 7:50 am

Fooferra. foo-FER-ah (n.) A situation engulfed in chaos. A state of comedic uncertainty and confusion.

Example: “When Jimmy stated to the EMS attendant that the epipen was in fact filled with Kool Aid crystals, a minor fooferra resulted until Jimmy admitted that, in fact, he wasn’t allergic to bees at all.”

This edition of Falsi-Lexi was brought to you by Jeffxa, Roaming Reporter and defender of  determinism masquerading as randomness.

 

INVESTIGATIVE REPORT GUEST POST: TORONTO’S POLICE CLAIM LORDSHIP OVER QUEEN STREET April 24, 2008

Filed under: Guest Postie — duotangoflies @ 12:11 pm

— In other news: Audis are driven by total losers —

Coming home from dinner last night, I witnessed what had to be the single-greatest thing in the history of the universe: an Audi A6 pulled over on Queen St. in front of Trinity Bellwoods, waiting patiently for his ticket.  The ticket was of course, being written up by one of Toronto’s finest*, who of course was sitting on his trusty police horse.

HORSE.

A guy in an A6 allowed himself to be pulled over by a policeman on a horse.  How does that work and how could you ever explain that to your friends? That is absolutely awesome and clearly the whole SuperHorse program in play down at City Hall is paying dividends.  Go team.  Frankly, I feel safer.

* I also assign this title to: Toronto EMS, Toronto Firefighters, and DQ Blizzard servers. Note: big ups to Toronto Police Services for the photo.

 

INVESTIGATIVE REPORT GUEST POST: THE WORLD IS FULL OF RETARDS April 18, 2008

Filed under: Guest Postie — duotangoflies @ 7:55 am

Mugabe Confounds Onlookers:”Down with the British! Down with Jeffxa and his GuestiePosties”

People.  If you have ever wondered if there was something wrong with the world, well, you’re officially right.  Despite my extensive training* and Objectivist leanings, I have come to despise the Dow Jones and all those who invest there (i.e. everyone).

 

From the news I was perusing this morning – http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/7354266.stm – here are some facts:
– Citigroup just announced a loss of $5,110,000,000.00 (+/-)
– Investors responded by… buying their stock and sending it up: “Citigroup shares rose 6% to $25.46 in pre-market trading before the official Wall Street open”

 

Allow me to assure everyone, if I managed to bungle a project to the tune of the entire annual economic output of the Republic of Guinea, I would probably NOT be given a raise of 6%.  In other news, Guinea’s main exports include Bauxite… and corn… which indians refer to as “maize”.  Another famous indian was Crazy Horse.  In conclusion, Guinea is a nation of contrasts**.

 

* note: I know that stocks are valued looking forward, so don’t be that smug jackass who tries to make that point
** bigups: BBC and Wikipedia

 

Falsi-Lexi of the Day: “Tealitist” April 8, 2008

Filed under: falsilexi — duotangoflies @ 8:13 am

Tealitist (n.) – A person who believes in rule by an elite group of tea producers, and enjoys a sense of entitlement whilst drinking said tea.

Example: “We have crates of Red Rose per our Mr. Coffee coffee supplier here, so I have deemed it less than stellar. I only tea drink tea procured from a wood paneled store owned & operated by Indian expats with 1 million varieties in very small glass jars.”

 

As seen above, tealitists in their natural habitat. Note the signs of wealth (feather boas), and obvious superiority (balloons).