the duotang of lies

funny, in a way that even you can appreciate, ass.

Falsi-Lexi of the Day: “Law NonForcement Officer” February 18, 2011

Filed under: falsilexi — duotangoflies @ 1:17 pm

NonForcement Officer (n.) – Individual nominally employed for the safeguarding of a place of business – usually a retail outlet – with minimal obvious training or interest in said purpose of employment.  Predominantly this person is tasked with identifying and preventing shop-lifting at such locations as youth clothing stores or the parliamentary convenience store.  Common identifiers include: blank stare, standard-issue navy blue or canary yellow “SECURITY” jacket, oversized beating-flashlight (brought from home) and black chunky boots or shoes.


“Wow, that group of rowdy teens is going to cause real trouble at the 24-h supermarket.”

“Not to worry, they have a 350-lb law nonforcement officer on duty next to the wall of gum, toy and novelty tattoo dispensers… he’ll keep the peace or die not trying.”

It should be noted that there are indeed a great deal of excellent private security firms in Toronto and for that matter, world-wide.  But I would generally say that I am making fun of those other, unprofessional loser guys, not you, in case you were feeling offended.


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