the duotang of lies

funny, in a way that even you can appreciate, ass.


Filed under: bored at work — duotangoflies @ 12:21 pm

–‘Thank heavens!’ gasp reeking, unwashed masses–

People.  Get a hold of yourselves. 

I know that you have been fooled into thinking that this is some kind of super amazing fancy experience involving exotic fonts and mis-pronounciation.  It is not… well, sort of.  But it is still just a bus.  Any suggestions to the contrary are merely insanity and over-branding.

Trust me – a more fun thing to do with your time is seek out Oompa-Loompi.  On busses, ideally.




Winter Storm hits Toronto: Danger Most Imminent for Smokers at My Work* February 1, 2008

Filed under: bored at work — duotangoflies @ 10:45 am


* granted the current tally is zero.  updates expected though!


Investigative Report – Not All Canned Drinks Sweet January 17, 2008

Filed under: bored at work,items of note — duotangoflies @ 1:48 pm

Today at the techinal bean-counting consortium we celebrated a milestone of some profundity for a colleague.  This fête of sorts included cupcakes. Which the DoL, as  a whole, really enjoys.

Post-cupcake, it was decided that perhaps a brisk walk followed by a healthy lunch would be in order, so I skipped on over to my local japo-express foodspot and got myself maki and some of those glass noodle things.  Most importantly I also procured for myself one can of Ito En Japanese Green Tea:

I knew it wasn’t going to fuzzy, but it wasn’t sweet at all!  It was just a can of cold green tea.  This was not what was expected. I was really taken aback. My tongue did a weird bendy, un-happy thing.

Because I like to tell people things, I conveyed my befuddlement at Ito En’s non-sucrosity to Jeffxa, Roaming Reporter, who then, in some sort of attempt to prove that my consternation was ill-placed, listed two non-sweet canned goods.  I rebut:

1) chipotles in adobe sauce? not a drink.  find it for me in drink form and we’ll talk again.
2) clamato? obviously would not be sweeted as it is NEVER sweet to drink veggies.

TEA on the other hand?  many times—oft even—it is sweet.

Anyway, I’m over it now.

 *look away*


Investigative Reports: Work-based Hot Sauce = Elusive! January 10, 2008

Filed under: bored at work,Comparo,items of note — duotangoflies @ 12:21 pm

The other day, myself (the editor of the DoL) and Jeffxa (the Roaming Reporter) were comparing lunch time sustenance choices via electronic messenger pigeon.  It was noted that my sub, the Sante Fe, had a low spice quotient, which was causing me some vexation. Roaming Reporter Jeffxa, upon hearing of vexed state, suggested I use the hot sauce I keep at my desk. A good and fair suggestion, you might say. Howevever when I looked at my desk I noted a distinct LACK of Frank’s goodness.  Instead, I was able to inventorize the following:




Wasabi peas are “spicy,” but it wasn’t really what I was going for.  My inventorization did, however, provide me with a sense of satisfaction at the other contents of my cube and I did not hestitate to convey this to Jeffxa, all the while indicating to him that since he had no Frank’s in his cube either, that he really shouldn’t suggest it or act as though I should have said sauciness. Especially when I have so much other great stuff.

Jeffxa has rebutted with his own cube contents:




So, while I understand that a series of framed stolen souls add spice to life, they really aren’t going to make my Sante Fe sub any more piquanté.

That being said, who do you think should be the winner of the cube wars? Hell.  Send us your own cube war submission.  If you have hot sauce we’ll even give you a prize. And by prize we mean we’ll just come over and steal it. *spicy*


Fun Slang Adjectives For You and Your Friends! December 6, 2007

Filed under: bored at work — duotangoflies @ 2:40 pm

I don’t know about you, but sometimes calling things “cool”, “neat” and “of the latest fashion” gets a bit tedious.  Why not add some sparkle to your conversations?

You’ll have your friends giving you high fives with these New and Improved* Slang Adjectives* compiled by our fearless Roaming Reporter, Jeffxa, Defender of Allegory:

– choice
– tubular
– ayatollah of rock ‘n rolla
– fine & dandy like sour candy
– mint
– top of the notch
– capital



*Slang list is not fully new, nor for that matter improved. It’s just compiled. And we think that’s work enough.


six things i currently love (part 2) November 13, 2007

Filed under: bored at work — duotangoflies @ 3:23 pm

’cause you’ve been sitting at home in front of your ordinateur, hands clasped together, bated breath…

1)  My shoots.  Other people call them booties, but that just makes them sound like they’re for children.  And my shoots are way too major for any baby.*

2)  My dog’s (Moxie Moo Trouser-pants) winter wardrobe: One camouflage Puppia harness. One green fisherman’s sweater.  One blue and green sock for his head.

3)  Tall man’s complex.†

4)  Iron-on patches for the inside of your jeans.  ‘Cause it’s better than paying $170 for a new pair.

5)  The fact that the Duotang of Lies has the reading level assignation of “Junior High School” according to this site.  Seriously.  You knew what ‘assignation’ meant in grade 8?

6)  Okay, I may only really love 5 things at this exact moment.  It’s in a constant state of flux, really.


* The DoL would like to apologize for using the word ‘major.’  We’ve been reading copious amounts on Posh lately and well…it was bound to happen.
† Which isn’t a complex at all.  *ironic*


Patsy 101 – A DoL How-to November 7, 2007

Filed under: bored at work — duotangoflies @ 9:59 am



You’ll want to firmly secure the cape on the goat.  You don’t have to use red velvet with a lightning insignia for this to be effective, either.  A big “S” is one idea…it really depends on your work environment and the temperament of your goat. Good luck.