the duotang of lies

funny, in a way that even you can appreciate, ass.


Filed under: aminal of the day,Guest Postie,items of note — duotangoflies @ 3:58 pm

Responds NFL Commissioner Ralph Goodale: “What the… since when? Get me Dark Overlord Palin on the speaking telegraph!”

It’s that time of er… fouryear… again. That’s right, time for the ICC Cricket World Cup. This time it’s coming from the host nation(s) of India – Bangladesh – Sri Lanka (heretofore known as InBaSri Heavy Manufacturing Concern for short long). The key element of this triumvirate of crickiehosts is that they have massive mascot problems. Behold!

And yet!


The good peoples of the InBaSri Heavy Manufacturing Concern can host sixteen nations over the course of like, two months of sporting contest, but they cannot figure out how to keep colours uniform, nor how to get oversized foam tusks onto an oversized foam elephant head. Another obvious concern is that the Mascot’s name – thanks to the official website for this, incidentally – is “Stumpy”. I’ll let that sink in for just a moment.

Yeah, too easy. Among Stumpy’s non-limb-related key characteristics is “Learning to master the art of concentration”. Amazing. I really need to get a job associated with over-marketed things where money is no object.

Other crazy neat stuff about cricket can be located here:

The key element of the 2011 world cup is of course that Canada is involved and as usual (in non-ice-based sports) we are due to get our clocks cleaned, much like in 2007, 2003 and so forth. In fact, we nearly set a record in our first match with Sri Lanka by losing by one of the most lopsided scores ever. Reach for the stars.

Unbeknownst to you, probably, is that Canada holds a rather distinguished cricketing distinction, that being one of the two nations to have contested the first ever international cricket match, in 1844, v. USA Heavy Manufacturing Concern. Though we were never mighty, nor have we therefore fallen, I am sure some kind of lamentational quote might be appropriate. No? Ok then.

Enjoy the cricket! Go on you wacky fellows!

(big ups to BBC, Yahoo and Seattleist for the photos)


Snappy Responses to Mildly Dull-Witted Statements – Part One February 11, 2008

Filed under: Guest Postie,items of note — duotangoflies @ 3:03 pm

Mildly Dull-Witted Statement: 

“The good thing about my street is that it’s a quiet little side street, but it’s real easy to find on mapquest.”

Snappy Responses:

“Much better than those tricky moving streets that are just impossible to nail down!”

“I’m still trying to figure out how a) quiet and b) ease of finding are normally not associated.  my last place at the centre of a labyrinth was super quiet, except for the sound of spartan heroes battling my pet minotaur.”

“Ohhh… see, the mythical labyrinths are the worst for trying to find on mapquest. I’m pretty sure Davie Bowie set some kind of enchantment on mapquest. ”




Investigative Report – Not All Canned Drinks Sweet January 17, 2008

Filed under: bored at work,items of note — duotangoflies @ 1:48 pm

Today at the techinal bean-counting consortium we celebrated a milestone of some profundity for a colleague.  This fête of sorts included cupcakes. Which the DoL, as  a whole, really enjoys.

Post-cupcake, it was decided that perhaps a brisk walk followed by a healthy lunch would be in order, so I skipped on over to my local japo-express foodspot and got myself maki and some of those glass noodle things.  Most importantly I also procured for myself one can of Ito En Japanese Green Tea:

I knew it wasn’t going to fuzzy, but it wasn’t sweet at all!  It was just a can of cold green tea.  This was not what was expected. I was really taken aback. My tongue did a weird bendy, un-happy thing.

Because I like to tell people things, I conveyed my befuddlement at Ito En’s non-sucrosity to Jeffxa, Roaming Reporter, who then, in some sort of attempt to prove that my consternation was ill-placed, listed two non-sweet canned goods.  I rebut:

1) chipotles in adobe sauce? not a drink.  find it for me in drink form and we’ll talk again.
2) clamato? obviously would not be sweeted as it is NEVER sweet to drink veggies.

TEA on the other hand?  many times—oft even—it is sweet.

Anyway, I’m over it now.

 *look away*


UPDATE – Investigative Reports: Work-based Hot Sauce = Elusive! January 11, 2008

Filed under: items of note — duotangoflies @ 10:44 am


It didn’t take long, friends – we’ve found our winner.  DoL’s favourite and most insightful commentator has provided us with not only the first (and admittedly only) cube contents submitted, but also the best.  Hot sauce?  check. LOLcat? check. Random portraiture? check.

The part that really tickles our turtle? This is not mass marketed Loblaw’s purchased, half-way there kind of sauce.  This is Pappy’s.  And when hear the word Pappy, only one thing comes to mind (and you’ll have to agree, it just feels right):


Website of the Week – Cheddar TV January 10, 2008

Filed under: Blogroll,items of note — duotangoflies @ 12:45 pm

no really.  this is cheese TV.  now i love me some cheese, but this is just mad.

big ups to my mustachioed colleague for the tip off.


Investigative Reports: Work-based Hot Sauce = Elusive!

Filed under: bored at work,Comparo,items of note — duotangoflies @ 12:21 pm

The other day, myself (the editor of the DoL) and Jeffxa (the Roaming Reporter) were comparing lunch time sustenance choices via electronic messenger pigeon.  It was noted that my sub, the Sante Fe, had a low spice quotient, which was causing me some vexation. Roaming Reporter Jeffxa, upon hearing of vexed state, suggested I use the hot sauce I keep at my desk. A good and fair suggestion, you might say. Howevever when I looked at my desk I noted a distinct LACK of Frank’s goodness.  Instead, I was able to inventorize the following:




Wasabi peas are “spicy,” but it wasn’t really what I was going for.  My inventorization did, however, provide me with a sense of satisfaction at the other contents of my cube and I did not hestitate to convey this to Jeffxa, all the while indicating to him that since he had no Frank’s in his cube either, that he really shouldn’t suggest it or act as though I should have said sauciness. Especially when I have so much other great stuff.

Jeffxa has rebutted with his own cube contents:




So, while I understand that a series of framed stolen souls add spice to life, they really aren’t going to make my Sante Fe sub any more piquanté.

That being said, who do you think should be the winner of the cube wars? Hell.  Send us your own cube war submission.  If you have hot sauce we’ll even give you a prize. And by prize we mean we’ll just come over and steal it. *spicy*


Duotang of Lies Attracts Visitors, Goat Lovers. December 12, 2007

Filed under: items of note — duotangoflies @ 3:19 pm

Over the past week or so, the editors of this, your favourite site, have noted a marked increase in traffic.  We know we’re no fancy celebrity-bashing blog and so we never expect too much in terms of numbers of visits, but when we saw a 40% increase, well we certainly raised our eyebrows and started nodding in that “hey now, check out how very boss we are” kind of way.

Some of you plebs out there may not understand the intricate and alchemistic behind-the-scenes world of wordpress, so allow me to enlighten you. Through the looking-glass one can not only write and manage one’s postings, but one can also see just how people found one’s site. Here are the results for these past two days of increased traffic:


What has happened in the world in the past two days that so many net-surfing members of the planet are focusing themselves on these, our cloven-hooved friends? What cataclysmic bovidae related event transpired?  *Puzzler*


Can you, dear reader, solve the cryptogram that is our most recent stat report? Put on your two-ended tweed hat and let us know.