the duotang of lies

funny, in a way that even you can appreciate, ass.


Filed under: Uncategorized — duotangoflies @ 11:48 am

–‘Capital name, fellow!’ claims Tyroneous Maximizer, Esq. from his 1880’s hot-air balloon-based office–

It’s not every day that life is worth living.  But somedays, yes, it is.  Basically this guy has a sweet stand-up name.  He’s no Dick Pound, but close.
Excerpt from the

Meanwhile, independent Australian senator Nick Xenophon has demanded that Fifa refunds the Aus$45.6m (£29.6m) they spent on their unsuccessful bid to host the 2022 World Cup..

Xenophon said: “It appears corrupt and highly questionable behaviour goes to the core of Fifa.

Upon further review, it turns out that Mr. Xenophon (who presumably is affiliated with neither xylophones nor xenophobes), was once at some rally where he clearly* took a stance supporting the rights of eels.  I say this because a cropped photo on wikipedia cannot lie and I enjoy making rash judgments.  ‘Don’t we all’ I hear you say.  That’s right, we do. 

It is not clear as of press time whether the NRL’s Parramatta Eels support Mr. Xenophon, but as Sydney-based rugby players are known to be deeply involved in Australia sentatorial politics, it is safe to assume that yes, obviously they must.  And so forth.

Oh, and this just in: there is corruption in sports, or something.

Note: Big-ups to wikipedia (as usual) for the photomographs.


HEADLINE: HOLY SHIT March 11, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — duotangoflies @ 12:23 pm

“Best webpage layout ever, old chap” deems pipe-smoking, tweed-wearing jaunty British fellow, with knowing nod.

BBC News, in its wisdom, has deemed that somethings are just as important as say, epic earthquakes.  Behold!

Dear Japan and Pacific neighbours: Good luck with this insanely devastating natural disaster.  Don’t worry though, Michael Knight and KITT will save you… or so it seems.

Signed: BBC News

[PS – seriously, good luck Japan, call me if you need anything]



Filed under: Uncategorized — duotangoflies @ 8:58 am

— Guest Post Writer Struck Down by Un-amused God.  ‘Enough with the shenanigans’ says He.–

While reading the news this morning I came across the following article where the current Pope suggests that in order to fight AIDS in Africa, condom use should be stopped, to be replaced with abstinence.  Not *absinthe* which would have been super cool for a Pope to say.


Anyhow, turns out, this decree was made on the Pope’s plane.  PLANE.

It should be noted that in fact, the Pope doesn’t own a plane, it’s chartered.  No custom mile-high baptisms.  However, there are other things the Pope owns:

1. The Papal Tiara.. er, there are several… tiari.popehat22. The Popemobile.  In unrelated product-tie-ins, the car is a Mercedes.



3. King Henry VIII’s divorce-request letters.

4. High-high Fashiony Goods.

At Press Time, it remains  unclear if the Pope owns a Pope Sprinker. If he has any self-respect, the answer will be yes.




Filed under: Uncategorized — duotangoflies @ 8:47 am

–Offended wealthy dowager crumpes, swoons, proclaims “my stars!”–

Apparently there is no real law against people doing exceedingly stupid things to and with their cars. Working in an 8-storey structure housing a variety of knowledge-based companies and their associated employees who – it stands to reason – are full of “knowledge”, I presumed that I would be immune to the following, yet, it turns out, I am not. In fact, the other day, I found the newest means to send me over the deep end into a rage-filled flight of fancywords.

Past winners:
A. The Super-window-cling

B. The Super-tissue

New champion:
C. The Super-marvellous-paint-job-of-awesomeness

This car – parked on the top of the multi-story parking garage, no less – displayed a full-fledged-flaunting of the norms of civil society with its use of a) colour, b) fencing, c) mythical creatures in frightening poses and d) inappropriate vanity plates (not shown for privacy… but let me assure you that it was both hateful and poorly spelled). Frankly, if it weren’t for the existence of the Seven-of-Nine-PT-Cruiser, I would deem this the craziest car in history.


Newsflash! Ghosts Spooky, Frogs Slippery, Christopher Walken Lettuce Lover. February 6, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — duotangoflies @ 12:53 pm

In a concerted effort to eat healthy and waste as much of my money as possible, I have become a fan of Lettuce Eatery, located conveniently in two foodcourts near my cubule. These eateries, as it were, are generally managed by one person, defined by their lack of apron, who orders their salad compiling minions to and fro depending on customer fancy.


And who better to give orders and know you’re going to take them than Christopher Walken? That’s right, despite what you may have “heard”, Christopher Walken is currently fulfilling his destiny by running the Lettuce Eatery in the TD Building food court in Toronto’s financial district. I know. Wow.


Roaming Reporter Jeffxa has suggested that for the purpose of investigatoryism, some sort of documented evidence should be obtained. A picture, or maybe even a quickly drawn charcoal sketch. Anyone who knows anything about Christopher Walken knows that there’s no way this can be done and the safety of our person preserved. So, instead, we’ve created the following near-identical representation:




And, in the interest of science, here’s some ‘math’ that clearly ‘proves’ that the presence of Christopher Walken at my local salad eatery is not just some fanciful notion floating around in my cervelle:


little green bag = reservoir dogs = tarantino = pulp fiction = christopher walken.